If ever i had to leave myself anything valuable to get me through motherhood, it would be a lifetime reminder letter to myself. And it goes like this…
As much as you try to be Superwoman and be there for everyone, it’s okay to be… just a mom. A mom who went through hours of painful labour and unexpected birth injuries. It’s hard to put up a strong front when you’re mentally and physically exhausted from it all.
You may feel like you’re neglecting your other children. You’re not. Because despite how much time you try to spend with your children to prevent them from feeling inadequate compared to the newborn, there’s only so much you can give before you run out of energy. There’s only so much time you can spare before you have no more time for yourself. There’s only so much love you can offer before you are left with an empty cup. So take care and love yourself first, only then you will have the strength to take care and love those around you.
As much as you try to be Wonderwoman and keep your house sparkly clean and everything organised, it’s okay to be… just a mom. A mom who is going through sleepless nights to care for a newborn baby. It’s hard enough not to fall asleep standing during the day, and it’s definitely hard to move around without waddling like a penguin because of your sore bum and tummy.
You might feel as if you’re not pulling your weight at home. You’re not. Because no matter how you try to keep the house as neatly as possible, it’s mission impossible with a child and a toddler who LOVE to make a mess. There’re only so many times you can pack until you go crazy. There’s only so much energy you have to nag and move around, until you burst open your dams (and not to mention, stitches) trying to keep everything in order. Then you end up being a mess yourself, and needing more time to heal from the added injuries. So let it go, and go easy on yourself, only then you will be able to enjoy the new addition in the family and keep the household in harmony.
As much as you try to be Catwoman and get back into that awesome body shape, it’s okay to be… just a mom. A mom who’s had her tummy stretched, her back strained, and her insides jumbled up to accommodate a little growing miracle. It will be hard to go back to your pre-pregnancy weight and body with all the stretching and straining.
So instead of feeling down and ashamed that you haven’t bounced back in to shape like Heidi Klum through unrealistic (and need I mention, unhealthy) diets and postpartum exercise, you should embrace it, stretch marks, flabbiness and all. Your “battle scars” are what makes you a mother, a provider of life. For goodness sake, you had to carry a little being inside of you for nine whole months. But hell, it was worth it. The moment you get to hold that tiny little baby in your arms, you know it was all worth it.
Remind yourself, that it’s okay to feel weak, it’s okay to feel lazy. It’s okay to feel like you just want to get away from it all, shut the door and just lie in bed and sleep 24/7. It’s okay to feel that for the moment (and perhaps many more), that your newborn baby is your world, that you wish you could just focus on nothing but her. It’s okay sometimes to just say, “f*** it”, because you’re only human.
Surround yourself with with positive people and supportive family and friends. There’s no better way to get through motherhood than to have people who love and care for you, such as your mom and husband. They will be your biggest support group.
Appreciate your mom more, she’s not getting any younger yet she still offers to help take care and cook for you for one whole month. She busies herself the whole day just so that you can lie in and rest more, and you’ll notice that she tires more easily than previously. Yet, she’s still here for you and doing the best she can so that you have it easier. There’s no love that is more selfless than a mother’s love (thank you and I love you mom).
Love your husband more, because without him you wouldn’t be getting through motherhood as blessed as you always had it. He cries when you’re in pain, he breathes for you when you’re in labour, he smiles for you when you’re having your baby blues, he compliments you when you’re feeling “unpretty”, he bends down on one knee to help you get dressed, and he keeps you sane when you’re overwhelmed with, well, everything. There’s no love more comforting than a husband’s love (I love you, and I’d still choose you in a heartbeat for all my next lifetimes to come)
Treasure your children more. They have been nothing but amazing lovely little beings. They’ve been self entertaining for the past whole week to allow you resting time since you brought back “Nemo” into the family. They’ve been more than understanding when Nemo’s cries could be heard throughout the night, they slept through it all LOL. Even though you will have a slight challenge when it comes to Little Warrior no longer being the “youngest in the family”, this too shall pass. She just needs some time to adjust, and she will get through it like she has now. There’s no love more genuine and pure than a child’s love. (You my children are my greatest pride and joy, and you will always be my greatest achievement. I will always love you all to the moon and back)
Lastly, love yourself more. You have more than shown your worth, by being… just a mom. Listen to your heart when it tells you to love yourself first. Enjoy time to yourself and “Nemo” when your mom tells you to just focus on recovery, baby and nothing else. Be grateful when your children tells you they love you and they adore their little sister. Let them help you get up, and fuss over your “sore bum and tummy” because it’s okay to be loved. Most importantly, believe it when your husband tells you that you are worth it, because despite your scars and “wear and tear”, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Lots of love,